Oh wait, this was a good one too...

AJ: Hi, Grandma. Grandma?
Olivia: Who is it? You woke me.
AJ: It's me, Anthony, Jr.
Olivia: Oh, I didn't know I had a grandson.
AJ: I miss you.
Olivia: Yeah, you should. You never come see me.
AJ: I've been busy.
Olivia: Everybody's busy, and don't lie to me! I know your father forbids you coming down here
AJ: He doesn't, honest. He just doesn't want us to talk about you in the house.
Olivia: Ugh, you can go shit in his hat.
AJ: He's mad at me right now.
Olivia: Aw, I shouldn't use that kind of talk. Don't let me ever catch you talking that way. Now what did you do bad?
AJ: My dad doesn't like my attitude. So Uncle Pussy said that I should come down here and talk to you because you're old and have wisdom and stuff.
Olivia: His mother's another one. Well, what did you do?
AJ: Well, I took mom's car out of the garage, and it got wrecked.
Olivia: You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Was it bad?
AJ: Uncle Pussy already fixed it.
Olivia: Did you wear your safety belt?
AJ: Yeah.
Olivia: Because there was an article in the paper the other day about a bunch of teenagers from out near the Delaware Water Gap. They overcrowded their car, it hit a tree, and it incinerated, and they got trapped. People could hear them screaming. They couldn't get out. The safety belts did it, buckled them in.
AJ: See, that's what I mean. What's the purpose?
Olivia: Of what?
AJ: Being, here on our planet. Earth. Those kids are dead meat. What's the use? What's the purpose?
Olivia: Why does everything have to have a purpose? The world is a jungle. If you want my advice, Anthony, don't expect happiness. You won't get it, people let you down, and I'm not naming any names, but in the end, you die in your own arms.
AJ: You mean, alone?
Olivia: It's all a big nothing. What makes you think you're so special?

Don't you wish you had a loving grandmother to give you such uplifting advice?