The sacrifice for the next two days shall be sleep.

Two finals come tomorrow, one on Friday. While I'm on track for an A in each class, one slip-up could convince my professors that I'm statistically unworthy of such an honor. So far the day has been filled with criminology notes, but tonight the focus will shift to astronomy. Astronomy has been a boring class with an intriguing specimen of a teacher, Professor Leacock. He has some serious issues, and I gave up trying to analyze his life a few weeks ago. As Chris Rock said about extensive analysis of people, "whatever happened to 'crazy'?" Occasionally during lecture, I'd quote Professor Leacock while he went into one of his ramblings. Here's my sample of "notes", which you should repeat in a nasal-voiced imitation of Stuart Smalley (SNL: "Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggone it, people like me."):

"Pluto is kind of a bastard child."
"We've got five more billion years to get the hell off the Earth."
"What it means is... oh should I tell you? Nah, I'm not gonna tell you yet."
"It was impossible to pass this one guy... took me three days. He was a wasp. I was a wasp, so I figured what the hell. He was an arrogant son of a bitch too, like me."
"I'm too old to go through my second childhood, so I'm safe... until I get old and senile and sent to a nursing home."
"We had more money than brains, and she knew how to use them."
"Is this tequila weekend?"
"Telephone: instrument of doom."
"I returned a very sweet reply that basically told him to go to hell."
"The only Greek I can remember are the words I can't say here."
"I like Christmas tunes."
"I came here as a freshman and thought I'd died and gone to hell."
"This doesn't come by osmosis or dream technique. I find that if I don't write it down with a pencil I don't remember anything. I guess that's a function of my age... or my mind."
"You'd rather have pictures? I'll never touch a piece of chalk again."
"They're about as useful as... we used to say, 'tits on a bull'... the hell with it!"
"When I think, things shut down."
"Being married for so long, all I have to do is look at my wife and she gets mad."
"If you live on Earth, which I hope you do..."
"Only if you ate the iron fillings were you barred from that activity. But anyhow..."
"I'm going to turn unto a pumpkin."
"Here is an anatomy of the sun spot... backwards."
"I had a roommate, who was not very bright. He was a good friend but a little on the dumb side."
"I can remember when I was 10 years old and talking about the Virgin Mary and not knowing what the hell I was talking about, and I think some of you are like that about this."
"Well how the hell do you know?"
"The revenge of the nerd!"
"I never answer the phone anymore. It's either someone soliciting or one of my kids."
"Good thing we have lots of closets. I wish my kids would settle down and get their crap out of there. Of course, they only want the good stuff and leave us the crap. They're not getting the good stuff. But anyhow..."
"I had a TA who asked the head English guy, 'What's up?!?' He was fired that day HAHAHAHAHA!"
"Ask me what ROY G BIV is and I'll laugh."
"You remind me of monks in the library."
"As my three-year-old grandson said, 'Mommy, we played that game before.'"

Whew, I had no clue it was this often that Professor Leacock interrupted class with his ramblings!