If you know me at all, then you know that I am not obsessed with Cameron Diaz at all. It's not like if I see her face on the cover of a magazine, I bring it to the register and sacrifice four dollars. It's not like I outbid everyone and anyone for an autographed photo. It's not like one time I gathered some of my favorite photos of her and created a collage for my desktop.

Ok, the jig is up, and no one fell for that. This guy is a complete fool for Cameron Diaz. I admit it, which is the first step of recovery supposedly. At least the one thing I have resisted is shelling out seven or eight bucks to go see a movie just because she's in it. After the 2.5 hour torture-fest that was Vanilla Sky, I vowed never to see a movie solely to see her face.

Tonight I flipped through the channels and found Cameron and her translucent beauty on my television screen. Christina Applegate was beside her, so through my master slething techniques, I surmised the HBO decided to air The Sweetest Thing as tonight's feature presentation. This was the first movie to star Cameron Diaz after my Vanilla Sky-inspired oath, an oath successfully implemented after The Sweetest Thing came and left the theatres without my money. Tonight, however, I was by myself, had nothing to do, and could actually feel my jaw pulled down by gravity and my patheticness.

Throughout the movie, Cameron and her friends frequented this club. She was wearing this smokin orange ensemble. They zoomed onto her face, and it was as if I really knew this person. I know it was Cameron Diaz on the screen, but I wasn't seeing this Hollywood actress that I once awarded with her own shrine on the web. Something about her face looked strongly familiar, almost intimate. Toward the end of the movie, there is a return to this club. This time when we see her face, Usher's "U Got it Bad" is playing in the background, not as the deejay's choice of club-hopping madness but as the soundtrack dubbing over the scene. When this whole scene was pasted together: the sensuality of the Usher song, the sexy orange club getup (Did she wear the same outfit through the whole movie?), the movement of her lips, I figured out what felt so familiar and intimate to me.

I dated this girl a while back. Long luxurious brown hair, perky little butt, sensuous J-Lo accent... incredibly sexy, the type where your buddies give you a high-five after they first meet her. My Spanish bombshell loved to hop from club to club, too much for a homebody like me to handle! Here's the kicker: she loved to fool around to Usher's "U Got it Bad." That was the trigger: her's and Cameron Diaz's lips are one (pair) in the same.

So now I know one more thing about Cameron Diaz.

She is mind-blowingly awesome at kissing.

Just kill me. Now.