Jerk, the best bud: every epiphany I had was influenced in some way by him
Furio, the spikey-haired roommate: conversations were 45% Simpsons quotes, 100% hilarious
Aaron, the guy with a mustache: had more nicknames than anyone, starting with Punkface
Rob, the creepy neighbor: "Anal" was his middle name
Phil, the imported beer guy: gave me my first imported beer
Big Dan, the German guy who's always in his underwear: that about sums it up
Dave, the Parrothead RA: creator of the luscious Wall of Hot
Spamburger, RA Dave's hot sex partner: discovered the Aaron Toe Penis, and I'll leave it at that
Adam H., the never-home neighbor: lead guitarist for East 3's band effort, Move the Capo
Adam B., the trash can urinator: and future graduation speaker and Cambridge acceptee
Travis, the drunken, bare-assed genius: and future school presidential candidate
Asdo, the UF mascot: couldn't walk 10 steps without being recognized
The Baa Guys, the Bash Brothers of East 3: catchphrases included "Baa!", "Wieeeeerd!", and "Scheisse!"
Brandon, Mr. Florida Football: cussed out a future NBA player until he got his attention
Ronald, the football player turned actor: my drug-partner-in-crime in my one and only play
Ed, the actor with the worst idea ever: dude seriously wanted to start a boy band with me and Ronald
Jemma, my freshmen racquetball partner: cool chick, simple as that
Joy, the pessimistic outsider: probably the biggest case of "name irony" on the planet
Shannon, the bubbly big sister: an incredibly well-rounded person without a flaw
Josser, the All-American redhead: played my coach in the cult classic short "Big Test"
Jason K., the quiet musician: bonded over many a Big Red while asking improper yes-or-no questions
Chasity, deliverer of the Big Reds: will always be my favorite waitress
Jamey, the dessert-making pirate: an outrageous exterior with a wonderfully deep interior
Nathan, the you'll-find-me-at-night-on-the-phone-with-my-woman guy: saw all the Kareem Abdul-Jabbar movies with him
Paulercrombie, straight out of the Abercrombie catalog: gave me my first cigar
Chadwick: the annoying neighbor that won't go away: caused injury with his misuse of the High Five
Anne, the I'm-always-in-your-room-because-your-roomy-is-the-man-of-my-dreams girl: oh sweet Anne, you and Furio deserve each other
Jen and Mary, the East 3 Floor Whores: I served as their East 3 Pimp in name only
Ronnie, the I-don't-give-a-shit RA: couldn't afford bedsheets but wore $170 shirts
Hot Italian Girl, the hot Italian girl in all my criminology classes: found out later she wasn't Italian
Annika, the J-Lo accented bombshell: first girl I fell asleep with
Nanni, the funniest man on Earth: had his dreams of eating pancakes at Waffle House shattered by uncompromising Waffle House nazis
Jerel, the I-get-slammed-for-my-choices-in-females guy: I never saw any of them, so I'll leave the jokes to Nanni
Coke Fiend, the girl with a secret: I hope she doesn't end up like Yasmine
J, the big sexy: gave me the nickname "Cuddles" on Valentine's Day (I wish I were lying about that)
M. Laird, the enigmatic roommate: drank alone in his room, possibly with the lights off and the Morrissey on
Dave, the man with a mullet: a diet of KFC, Arby's, and Easy Mac
Katie, the roommate's-cousin's-girlfriend-turned-roommate's girlfriend: overcame her boyfriend's lack of showering
Will, the deep conversation guy: openly requested to "pick your brain" upon first meeting
Lourdes, the Cuban girl next door: my wine-and-cheese arm candy
The Messiah, Jerk's roommate: could run 12 miles and save 2 lives before 9 am
The Triplets, siblings of The Messiah's girlfriend: nice all-around good people. Also allows me to say I know triplets, which is always cool.
The Kooter, skiing buddy: the best nickname I've ever bestowed upon someone
Jessica, the if-only-her-boyfriend-weren't-around-on-Spring-Break girl: I still say I had a chance
Anna, the 26-year-old cutie: got me partway to my dream
Serbia, the El-Fuego-of-all-that-is-El-Fuego girl: taught me that a chain smoker can still smell like, aw man, I'm gonna need a sec...
Jason R., the 5-foot-nothing Jew: wiseass flew across the ocean when he discovered a no-charge-for-tickets glitch on Iceland Air Dot Com
Chad, my metrosexual sidekick: helped me bail on our buddies entertaining ugly girls in the Vegas suite
The Super Gators, aka The Landings Crew, throwers of legendary parties: most likely to require a liver transplant
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