Dear Ben,
Thanks for making my drive from school to Pensacola more enjoyable. Normally I entertain myself for five hours by singing to my cd’s, but you called me from your car, fifty miles ahead on I-10. Rather than crooning about how they paved paradise and put up a parking lot, I was able to vent about everything from the stress of the past semester to my convictions against randomly hooking up with the cute blonde with green eyes. I’ll try to get up north later in the summer and visit.
Have a great time,
Anthony

Dear Russ Camaro,
I appreciate that you decided against breaking down in the middle of our 350 mile drive. With that said, I must admit that our relationship has not been the same since you decided to stop conditioning my air last summer. You are giving me more and more trouble by the month, and I cannot afford to continue throwing a month's rent toward fixing your latest problem. Don't misunderstand me here: if you are in dire need, like when you sputtered into paralysis with a dead alternator on Thursday, I will have you towed to the emergency room and get you the proper care you need. But with every trip to the mechanic, the closer we get to parting ways. It may be tough to hear, but every time you give out, I want to give up.
Stay strong,
Anthony

Dear Camille,
There could have been thousands of flashing bulbs of paparazzi trying to catch a glimpse of you, and I would have been none the wiser. You looked like you were walking the red carpet this afternoon in your draping, jewel-studded prom dress. I hope the memories you hold from your senior prom are magical: your sparkling friends dressed like royalty; posing for pictures while “Like I Love You” or some other suck pop hit remix blasts through the speakers; cuddling the arm of your squeeze during that 2 am visit to Krispy Kreme. Get home tonight (tomorrow morning) safely, and we’ll go see Will Ferrell tear it up in “Old School” soon enough.
Your bigger, stronger, hotter sibling,
Anthony

Dear Cameron Diaz,
I have never shared in a four-year relationship--- let alone been engaged--- so I cannot remotely begin to fathom the confusion and devastation that comes when such a relationship withers and dies. The next few weeks should be spent getting reacquainted with your single self. Be free, be selfish, be adventurous. When you’re finished dealing with your breakup and want to remember what a man’s lips taste like, look me up in the UF phonebook. I would be happy to help myself you.
Your most attractive and available fan,
Anthony

Dear Family,
It’s good to be home.
Love,
Anthony