I have lacked confidence in some areas of life, particularly when it's come to women. Sometimes I attribute my invertedness around the opposite sex to my shyness, or my calm demeanor, or my simplicity, or my ploy to be the cute/adorable/quiet one. All these excuses have derived themselves from a deep-down nervousness, a fear of rejection, a belief that the girl I'm interested in would not be the type to be interested in me. So of course I have confirmed those thoughts whenever I introduce a girl to my unconfident, aloof, uneasy representative. I hesitate to make eye contact, mix up the words I try to speak, say something in the ordinary, and go blank. And there I have sat in a room with myself, aware of how stupidly this whole performance is spewing out yet oblivious to any way of redeeming myself, and in the end, I've provided little of anything to intrigue this girl into giving me a confidence boost.

This should not be read as self-pity. This should not be read as a cry for help. This should not even be read in a tragic light. This is a self-revelation from a growing boy, someone who is maturing and evolving. This is the declaration, a big step in my growth of outward confidence: an admittance of my current self, different from my ideal self. Read: the past two months have brought me stronger and more prosperous relationships. I see the world through more attractive eyes, which I greatly owe to a brighter concept of my own self that in turn reflect onto others. But even with this accomplishment, I have plenty of room to further improve.

Today I found myself bursting with energy and confidence thanks to a little personal time where my body just froze and my mind completely took charge. I thought about the people I call my friends and how incredible they are in their own ways. These people possess some of the most admirable traits imaginable. They are kind, loyal, truthful, intelligent, loving, determined, gentile, fun, humorous, passionate, talented, sound, beautiful individuals.

They were all stangers at one point. Eventually we met, conversed, and became friends. I chose them, but more importantly: they chose me. Incredible.