Today gave birth to another compilation disc. Put a smidgeon of Pedro the Lion, insert a little Incubus, combine with a hint of Cake, liquefy with some Led Zeppelin, gather a teaspoon of Ghetto Boys, next add a Nickelback (well, it’s the “Spiderman” song, so it’s just the main guy from Nickelback that looks like he could be the much older brother from Hanson), rinse the Radiohead with a Roy Jones, Jr. rag, and bake with a Biz Markie. Allow music to compile for about 20 minutes. Remove from burner and serve in a cd player. Enjoy for about 80 minutes.

And so came “Effin Tunes 4: Pluto is a Bastard Child.” I know, I know: what kind of title is that? Well, back in 2001, my first year of cd burning, my compilation discs were all titled "The Kilbot Factory," followed by the number in the series, and a subtitle that consisted of a saying I heard or said around the time I created the disc. The Kilbot Factory name originated on a Simpsons episode (what else?) where Kent Brockman tried to scare the news viewers…

“Coming up on Eye on Springfield: Millions of Americans are being trained to fight and kill! The government calls it “The Army,” but a more alarmist name would be… The Kilbot Factory!”

Sadly on the dawn of 2002, I lost many of my Kilbot Factories. They’re somewhere across the world traveling in a Delta airplane. Feeling this tragedy signaled a time for change, I abandoned the Kilbot Factory name--- but not before I made a “Kilbot Factory: The Resurrection” series finale--- and started on a new title for 2002.

Some people who avoid cussing use replacement words, a popular one being “frickin.” Well, my friend John further replaced “frickin” with “eff.” You could hear someone in the Tate jazz band get aggravated and say, “Eff this!” A year later I successfully incorporated the slang into East 3 vocabulary. With the “eff” word running rampant, I decided to label the next installment of compilation discs as “Effin Tunes.”

“Pluto is a Bastard Child” comes from my eccentric Astronomy professor this summer. We’ve been analyzing this guy from his random ramblings and grunts about his personal life. An unlikely but intriguing hypothesis surrounds his dissatisfaction with his daughter and his efforts to link any subject with some sort of “bastard.” Perhaps this guy feels ashamed that his daughter slept around and now has a child out of wedlock.

“My daughter is bringing her son with her this weekend, and I’m not looking forward to it,” were his exact words.

Naturally, while observing that Pluto is somewhat of an outsider when compared to the other planets, my professor explained, “Pluto is a bastard child.”

And so came “Effin Tunes 4: Pluto is a Bastard Child.” I will enjoy.