I don't really know what people think of me.

For a while now I haven't felt like a saint. I've seen myself as cold to some of my good friends, as selfish in some of my actions, as a jerk in some situations. When I think alone I have the idea that I used to be a much nicer person than I am today. Is this so? Does my label as a thoughtful, polite person still stand, or have I grown so used to hearing people associate me with those traits that I believe them without merit?

Egomaniac--- I feel as though I'm bragging when I say people think of me as thoughtful and polite, but it's true... to an extent. Even when I perceive my actions to be cold, selfish, or rude, people figure out some way to counter my reflexive accusation. Case in point: tonight I felt over-sarcastic toward Tara, but I'd smile during my bites. Tara openly said to John, "Does Anthony have one mean bone in his body?" I criticized my lack of politeness at the same time an outsider complimented what she perceived as kindness (The manner of the statement was clearly directed to me with a smile.). Is the cliche true: am I my own worst critic? Am I oblivious to how people really perceive me?

Maybe I overcriticize myself. Maybe I cannot criticize myself enough. When those two points battle in my head, they both present strong arguments.