They hired me, and I immediately quit.

Blockbuster Video called my house tonight asking to speak to me regarding my application. The nasal-voiced man on the other end of the phone invited me to come in tomorrow and discuss when I could work for them. Had they responded to my application when they first received it, I may have been able to work in that blue and yellow polo shirt. Over a month later, I'm preparing to move into my Gainesville apartment. So when I hung up the phone, I returned to the living room, lied on the couch next to a beautiful woman, watched a movie not rented from Blockbuster, and remained without a job.

And I couldn't be happier.

Just days ago, I pondered my current feelings for the girl that just one month ago fell into my every thought, kept me body spinning and tossing for many restless nights, and ultimately uttered the "f" word when deciding the depth of our relationship when we drive in opposite directions on the highway. My mind told me that my return to Gainesville in a few weeks would complement a readiness to conclude the chapter of my love affair with this girl and dip the pen in new ink, awaiting a new girl to help me write the next chapter. I used the words "possibly" and "dare I say, probably" for whether or not I expected my heart and body to be mended enough to embrace a new special girl upon the start of fall semester.

The last two nights, we have shared warm moments together. Two days with her, and I must downgrade my outlook to "doubtful."

Quite simply, I am not over her, and until we kiss goodbye and she travels five hours into the broken roads of Mississippi, my feelings for her will grasp at those glances, smiles, and frozen moments we've shared. She and I will not end this summer in a Hollywood picture, with her telling me how much she loves me on the eve of her departure, and I confessing all my desires to be with her as our faces pull closer and closer until our lips seal our hearts from the outer world. I will not return to Gainesville with her glowing smile framed on my wall, nor do I want to open my wallet to picture of her holding me tightly. My soul still secretly yearns for her to lean into my shoulders and breathe on my neck as she falls asleep, dreaming about me... BUT... overall I decline to surrender to those desires because while I adore the girl with the same vigor, my adoration for the girlfriend has weakened. I ultimately only want her in my life as a friend. Though the girl finds her way to press her finger on my heart and spread a warmth across my entire body, the girlfriend lost her passionate touch while we stretched across ten hours of emptiness and hope.

I must move on, and I will move on, but I need more time than I thought. Some guy spread the word that patience is a virtue. Here's to the virtuous journey of mending my heart. I smile because the healing is inevitable, and with the right timing and magic, I'll rise to a higher platform of bliss.

Hey, remember that night when we went to pick up my dad at the airport, then we went through all this trouble to drive to Steak n Shake and find your car so my dad would drive my car home and we'd go rent a video you wanted to see, only it was 10:20 pm and the video store was all the way down Blue Angel Parkway, so when you called the store to get directions they said they closed at 11 and you'd never make it in time, so we rushed to the other one in Pace, and we got there at 10:45 pm, but that one closes an hour earlier than the other one, so it was already closed, so we had no video, and we had ice cream at McDonald's instead?

That was a fun night!

Oh, and remember that thing you said at McDonald's, about how cute and romantic you think it would be for a couple to take a trip to another city or even state just to go to McDonald's or Burger King or Taco Bell or any other place you could have driven five minutes to get to, but instead you take a long car ride together where you can talk and hold hands and lean on each other before and after you eat everyday fast food?

That was a great idea! You mind if I use it one day?

We were relaxed and cozy on the couch when my body trembled from the thought of all the pain people I love have and can potentially experience. I'm sorry that she had to feel me shake. I'm sorry that I can't alleviate the sorrow and the troubles from them. I'm sorry that there was a girl at home I only saw briefly on a day she needed caring people around her, that I had to be honest and reveal some discomforting feelings to the girl on the couch, that she must deal with this situation in one way or another, that I can only serve a strictly limited role in helping her, that we may never know what could have become of it, that in a few short weeks these girls will be taken from my presence.

I'm really sorry that she had to feel me shake. I've been a steady rock for the past week, but a wave of enfrightenment briefly snatched my composure. I must be strong, for myself and the people I love, particularly those two girls.