After I reread the sentence on the University of Virginia website, my stomach sunk to the floor. I must have lost all pigment in my face. I called frantically in desperate search for the tiniest loophole, and each time I found only barricade. I called my mom for any possible help, a friend for comfort, secretaries for mercy. Over an hour passed, the clock struck 5, and that was it. Businesses closed, workers left their offices, and I had created a blunder that I might not be able to fix.

I walked away from my room and down the hall. There were people in the other room, my roommates and one of their girlfriends. It's fitting that they were all contemplating what they were gonna do in a year, decisions that could very well affect the rest of our lives. Everyone envied me, thought I had it all figured out. I thought I did too. But I messed up.

Long story short, my scores for an exam required for PhD psychology programs will not be available until a few days after application deadlines. These deadlines are, apparently, quite strict, and there's no way to take the test or get my scores sent any earlier. None of my applications would be complete by deadline. I cannot get accepted for next fall.

All this happened for a reason. I'm just trying to figure out why. Perhaps God is telling me that I'm not ready, lacking the proper life experience, to enter the research, clinical world. Maybe I'm destined to go to Penn State, my number one choice and the most attractive education alternative to not immediately beginning PhD work (I'd work on a Master's). It could be that I need to learn to be more aggressive and ask for help and guidance when making life-changing decisions.

I'm somewhat sad and embarrassed by the whole situation, particularly since there is no finger to point but directly back at myself. I'll try to sort things out in the next few days. But one thing's for sure: for reasons good and bad, unfortunate and exciting, I have little clue as to where I'll be and what I'll be doing this time next year.